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"Thank You Ladies"
The Words of an Inmate
“The families this tragedy destroys, the guilt of those who continue to support and love us and we are judged and condemned for doing so. They have committed no crime and yet are made to feel they are guilty and therefore have no rights or voice to be heard.”
“The families this tragedy destroys, the guilt of those who continue to support and love us and we are judged and condemned for doing so. They have committed no crime and yet are made to feel they are guilty and therefore have no rights or voice to be heard.”
Does Our Voice Matter ?
When is enough, enough? When do we begin to listen, instead of judging? When, where and how do we start healing and moving forward?
These are all the questions I’ve asked myself many times over the last 19 years.
Yes, I’m yet one of the many statistics of our judicial system. I was a battered woman that sought help to no avail, and ultimately ended up being sentenced to 15 years to life in prison.
I’m not seeking sympathy nor do I wish to minimize what it means to be responsible for taking someone else’s life.
One could say, she got what she deserves, or “if she could walk, she could leave” (this comment was made by our former governor Pete Wilson) and yet as easy as it is to say or make these remarks, I wish it were as easy to seek assistance from police, clergy, physicians, and those we tried to reach out to.
Some have experienced years at the hands of their abuser and some for months to a year. Who says or decides what hell these women, including myself lived?
Does it mean that I should have allowed my abuser to take my life? It’s certainly not for lack of his trying, or even the threats time after time. It’s a tragic series of events that led to one life altering moment in time.
I can’t begin to explain the magnitude of the burden in knowing I was responsible for something so tragic. For taking a father from his children, a son from his mother, a brother from his siblings. This constant every day reality is a punishment worse than one could ever imagine.
The consequences of these actions are more reaching than one could ever think possible. The families this tragedy destroys, the guilt of those who continue to support and love us and we are judged and condemned for doing so. They have committed no crime and yet are made to feel they are guilty and therefore have no rights or voice to be heard. No one, especially me are asking or even saying that our actions be condoned in any way. What I am attempting to convey is, when, where and how does the healing ever begin?
As a society we can all continue to turn a deaf ear and say, prison for life is the answer, but when does the time come when we honestly ask ourselves, where have we all failed? Are our police trained as they should be? Do our clergy still say keeping the family together at all cost is what matters? Do our physicians report their suspicions of abuse? Does a restraining order mean more than just a mere piece of paper? What happens when it’s your mother, or sister, or daughter? Is life in prison still the answer?
Our legislature and Board of Prison Terms need to be trained and educated as well. It does no good to enact new Bills and penal code sections regarding battered women or domestic violence survivors in prison, when the process is selective, biased, and prejudicial. When is enough, enough?
These are all the questions I’ve asked myself many times over the last 19 years.
Yes, I’m yet one of the many statistics of our judicial system. I was a battered woman that sought help to no avail, and ultimately ended up being sentenced to 15 years to life in prison.
I’m not seeking sympathy nor do I wish to minimize what it means to be responsible for taking someone else’s life.
One could say, she got what she deserves, or “if she could walk, she could leave” (this comment was made by our former governor Pete Wilson) and yet as easy as it is to say or make these remarks, I wish it were as easy to seek assistance from police, clergy, physicians, and those we tried to reach out to.
Some have experienced years at the hands of their abuser and some for months to a year. Who says or decides what hell these women, including myself lived?
Does it mean that I should have allowed my abuser to take my life? It’s certainly not for lack of his trying, or even the threats time after time. It’s a tragic series of events that led to one life altering moment in time.
I can’t begin to explain the magnitude of the burden in knowing I was responsible for something so tragic. For taking a father from his children, a son from his mother, a brother from his siblings. This constant every day reality is a punishment worse than one could ever imagine.
The consequences of these actions are more reaching than one could ever think possible. The families this tragedy destroys, the guilt of those who continue to support and love us and we are judged and condemned for doing so. They have committed no crime and yet are made to feel they are guilty and therefore have no rights or voice to be heard. No one, especially me are asking or even saying that our actions be condoned in any way. What I am attempting to convey is, when, where and how does the healing ever begin?
As a society we can all continue to turn a deaf ear and say, prison for life is the answer, but when does the time come when we honestly ask ourselves, where have we all failed? Are our police trained as they should be? Do our clergy still say keeping the family together at all cost is what matters? Do our physicians report their suspicions of abuse? Does a restraining order mean more than just a mere piece of paper? What happens when it’s your mother, or sister, or daughter? Is life in prison still the answer?
Our legislature and Board of Prison Terms need to be trained and educated as well. It does no good to enact new Bills and penal code sections regarding battered women or domestic violence survivors in prison, when the process is selective, biased, and prejudicial. When is enough, enough?
I’d love to hear from anyone regarding this article. Write to me at:
Brenda Clubine W-21296
Brenda was released in 2008 after spending well over 20 years in prison. Her new trial ended with a judgement of less than 10 years for the original crime, and she was released.
The VSPW IFC thanks all those who helped make this happen.
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Brenda Clubine W-21296
Brenda was released in 2008 after spending well over 20 years in prison. Her new trial ended with a judgement of less than 10 years for the original crime, and she was released.
The VSPW IFC thanks all those who helped make this happen.
Back To Top
Return To Home Page